Sunday, October 19, 2008


As far as I’m concerned, my father never showed my mother love but she believed that he did love her. I mean, she was a beautiful woman on the outside but more importantly on the inside. She loved to laugh and make people laugh. She was very endearing and people from all walks of life were attracted to her light, like moths on a summer night. I can understand my mother’s actions or I should say inactions more now that I am an adult. I definitely don’t condone her deciding to stay with my father/her murderer, but I understand. I think if you exercise your ability to step into someone’s shoes, you become a more well-rounded individual because you understand that your reality is not all about you but every single soul around you and when you are concerned about others, you are conscious of only benefiting them, not hurting them.

Anyway, my mother was easy to love. So why didn’t my father love her? It’s simple. He didn’t love himself. If your candle is extinguished, how can you light some one elses. In the same vein, if you don’t possess a love for self, how can you give love to others. I believe that God is love and God made us in his image and likeness, so we are made of that most important ingredient – LOVE. Some people may not believe in Jesus Christ, but the fact is that he walked the earth and while on the earth he taught some very valuable lessons. The most important lesson was when he taught that all the commandments could be summarized this way – Love God with your whole heart, your whole soul, your whole strength, your whole mind and love your neighbor as yourself. I hope I’m not being preachy but it is Sunday :) but more significantly, I believe this teaching is pertinent to the point I’m trying to make. Love is the answer to all the woes that ail mankind but the love has to start with You. YOU ARE LOVE. Even if you don’t realize it, you exude love from your DNA through your cells, it runs through your blood, all your organs and permeates through your skin creating a light that surrounds you and attracts people to you. Depending on what we have experienced in life, this light of love may well be very dim or somewhat extinguished. Believe it or not, this is a choice that we make.

Regardless of the hard upbringing we may have had, the abuse we may have had to endure as a child or adult, the disgusting names we have been called, this is not who we are. It’s difficult not to let those atrocities erode away at how we view ourselves but if we have to fight an uphill battle, we have to fight that uphill battle in order to maintain that Self-Love. Sometimes, it’s as easy as simply opening your heart to a therapist; talking to a professional person who will keep your confidence. If my mother loved herself, she would not have allowed my father to abuse her. If my father loved himself, he would not have destroyed the one person in the world who truly loved him.

I realize as an adult that I am like my mother in many ways. I am full of love (sometimes I am called a hopeless romantic). On the flip side, from her example, I learned to avoid relationships with men who do not love themselves. Imagine a scale whereas on one side, there is a person heavy with love for self and on the other side, someone who doesn’t have that love for self. The scales would be lopsided. Ultimately, in my opinion, this relationship (because it lacks balance) will become dysfunctional and fall apart. It’s good to take your time and get to know someone before taking that big step of commitment. One red flag that I always pay attention to is when a man says, “You’re too good for me.” Trust me, if they say that, they are right. More importantly, before we step into the dating scene, we have to make sure that we have a love for ourselves or we’ll just be attracting those losers who prey on the insecure and could be potential abusers.

In a world that seems loveless at times, I just felt compelled to talk about the attribute of Love. It surely does exist in all of us. We just have to realize that it is there and encourage it to grow by learning to Love ourselves. In an earlier blog, “The Empath”, I expressed that I hated my reflection. But as an adult, I have learned to love myself and now I can smile when I look in the mirror. When I look at myself and acknowledge all the pain I have experienced and then look at how far I have come out of that valley of despair, I admire myself. I love myself! You can relearn to love yourself too once you realize that it's official - YOU ARE LOVE!


Anonymous said...

Your mom was obviously a very smart woman, and you had to learn the hard way what not to do...I'm sorry she sacrificed her life twice, but God knows, her legacy will continue to save lives through you.

Be well walking in the light,

Anonymous said...

My life has been incomplete for a while , but tonight you have given me a new hope. I have been struggling for some time now whether or not to finalize my choice to completely walk away from a eight year lonely marriage...but now i see how much he had beaten down my spirit, and stomped on my rays of confidence, alot probabaly just like your mom. I have separated(the first step with an p. order), but unable to divorce. I know I must love for myself and help my daughter live stronger. Thank you for the final light . GOD BLESS AND BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. I BELIVE I CAN LEARN TO LOVE ME THE WAY I STRIVE TO LOVE HIM AND OTHERS, DESERVING OR NOT.

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