Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"I Will Pull The Veil Over Your Face"

“I will pull the veil over your face.” Imagine someone telling you this over and over. Now imagine that someone is your significant other; the one that you love and that is supposed to love you. My mother would always get quiet when my father uttered these creepy words to her. He said them with such conviction that I believed him and I am certain my mother did too. I am bringing this subject up in light of the horrific acts perpetrated against Jennifer Hudson’s family this past weekend. Apparently the murderer was known by the victims, making these crimes domestic in nature. If Jennifer Hudson’s sister’s estranged husband turns out to be the murderer, his actions, as heartless as they were, follow a pattern that all abusers share. His mother still proclaims that her son (although fresh from spending 7 years in prison for attempted murder etc.) would never murder these people. But she did admit that her son did mention that Jennifer’s sister wanted a divorce from him two weeks earlier.

Sometimes when an abuser sees his ‘line of fear’ is about to be cut off by divorce, separation or any other means, he/she may try whatever it takes to keep the fear going by exacting more fear and punishment. They may threaten, stalk or even attempt murder. This may be the case but there are many programs set up with the sole purpose of protecting the victims. Do not take verbal threats to your life lightly. As simple as it may seem, if anyone verbally threatens your life, they can be arrested once you report it.

Honestly, at this point in my life, I refuse to allow any human being to put fear in me. In my mother’s case, fear paralyzed her into doing nothing. The only thing my mother would do is whisper what my father would say and do to her friends and family and then in the same breath, beg them to do nothing. Besides fear for her life, my father hung another fear over my mom’s head. He threatened her in front of me, “If you ever leave me, I will kill your mother and all your &^!#% brothers and sisters!”

My mother had seven brothers and sisters and she was the third child and first daughter. I’ve always known the dynamic of my extended family on my mother’s side. My grandmother was the proud and strong matriarch that everyone looked up to. She seems to be tactless at times as she throws commands, demands and her strong opinions at you but this is just her way. She graduated from ‘The Old School’ and ‘The School of Hard Knocks’ from the ‘Class of Tough Love’. I lovingly call her, “La Bella Mafia”. My mother was from a softer, gentler nation. She was the more level-headed voice of reason who all her brothers and sisters and cousins would go to, to get advice (somehow she was very practical when it came to affairs other than her own). They also valued my mother as a kind, listening ear, especially when my grandmother didn’t want to hear it. My mother also helped raise her five siblings. She was the ‘second mother’ so to speak and beloved by everyone. I think that when my father threatened the family, my mother essentially sacrificed herself in order to keep them safe. But that kind of thinking was utterly warped on my mother’s part and it led to her death.

Be that as it may, although my father killed my mother, he was granted the right to view my mother’s body in the funeral parlor before any other family members. I was completely appalled. All I could envision was my father following through with his long-time threat, slowly pulling a veil over my mother’s face as she lay in her coffin, in other words, looking down at her, smirking and reveling in his work. I had my grandmother help me object to my father’s request with authorities but he had the right since she was his “wife”. That was just plain ridiculous. Talk about adding insult to injury. So my father, handcuffed and chained, was escorted to view my mother’s body. I cringe and my blood boils every time I think of it. I can not wait until atrocities as with Jennifer Hudson’s family and my family are demolished completely. Let us all stay silent no more and take a stand against the terrorism that occurs in our own neighborhoods – Domestic Violence. If you are someone that you know is a victim of Domestic Violence – Intimate Partner Abuse, Teen Dating Abuse, Child Abuse, Elder Abuse etc., please refer to the links to the left and take a stand.

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