Saturday, September 20, 2008

INTRO

Hi. My name is Ward of the Court. At least that’s how New York State identified me from the age of 15. Then I was on my own. But the feeling of being on my own arose from as long as I could remember. My parents were too caught up in their confusion to realize that an impressionable child was growing underneath their tattered wings. I grew up in a middle- classed household (according to societal standards). To the outside world, we were a picturesque family. But when the doors or should I say bars, slammed shut, it was like being in prison. I was subjected to my father’s constant abuse of my mother, verbal, emotional and physical and she in turn, heaped that frustration upon me, especially when my father purposely treated me with love and attention and contrasted me to her in order to basically piss her off. Because it was a dysfunctional household, we did not play out the regular “family roles”. My father was the “ticking time bomb terrorist”, my mother was the “crime victim” and I was the “fly on the wall” that got pulled into the chaos on occasions by both if it benefited them. I also served as a “threat” to my mother. The worst part about the whole thing is that I loved them.

I have been meaning to write about the shattered episodes of my childhood but I’ve been putting it off because it is oh so difficult to write. Right now, I can feel my body gently shiver beneath my skin. When I came upon blogspot I thought,” Wow, I can blog it! This should be easier.” Well it’s not that easy, but I am motivated by all the “Wards of the Court's” out there. I want all of them to know that they are not alone and I want them to see that they can make a life out there for themselves; beyond the biological parents, beyond the craziness all around them, there is a shaft of light that is beckoning for their happiness. I am going to write not in any conventional order. I will write just as the memories come to me. My moniker is Ambrosia...and this is my life.

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