Saturday, September 27, 2008

Do Not Feed The Animals

The bully in the school yard, the overbearing boss, the obnoxious security guard, the abusive significant other; they all have a secret that they don’t want revealed. They may come across powerful and intimidating, but underneath that veneer they are unhappy souls. And guess what, they want to spread this unhappiness to you. The abuser is a control freak with low-self esteem who is essentially jealous of the happiness you may exude, so they will do what it takes to pummel you through the ground until you have nothing left but sadness – Mission Incomplete. The abuser does not stop so easily when they see they have knocked out that once beautiful sparkle in your eye. It gives them twisted pleasure to continue with the name calling, punching, kicking etc. for as long as you let them. This is why you must stand up for yourself.

Abusive persons have usually had a bad childhood or experienced something to create the unhappiness and misery they may feel inside. It is a sad situation, this vicious circle, and it is easy to feel sorry for someone who has been abused in the past, but if they have now become the abuser, you can not fix them, so don’t try to fly in and be the super hero. There is a word for people who can help – Psychiatrists. Professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists are all trained to help such people in need. The abuser may lament, "I will Change", but they CAN NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE WITHOUT PROFESSIONAL HELP.

My mom met my father as a young man in a bad situation. He was basically alienated from his family and living in what I have heard described as a ‘two by four hole in the wall’. He also worked as a bag boy in a local grocery. My father’s mother basically gave him away to her brother who was always at sea (in the naval forces), and his alcoholic wife who would tie him down during the day after school because of his bad behavior and release him at night. He was violent from an early age. At 17, he had already attempted murder by beating a man continuously in the head with a brick until he lost consciousness and eventually awoke brain damaged.

Feeling sorry for the person who became my father, my mother helped him get a lucrative job at NYC Transit and eventually they ended up getting married. Later on down the line, he would brag continuously about making more money than her at this job. Doesn’t make much sense, especially when as a married couple, you are supposed to function as team for the benefit of the family. He was in constant competition with my mom. It was jealousy. She was a very happy woman; always laughing, always giving to charities, always optimistic until he got his claws into her really deep. There is a very good reason why signs are posted all over zoo’s and safari’s and other wildlife centers which say, “DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS”. It’s not that the animals don’t deserve to be fed. They benefit best when fed by professional caretakers who study their eating habits, their habitat, their species etc. If we, as the patron just strolling by, decide to take it upon ourselves and feed them what we have (which is inappropriate), it won’t benefit them like the food a professional would supply for them. And depending on the animal, they just may attack. The same goes for those of us who, through pity, fall in “love” with an individual while trying to “fix” them psychologically. Please leave it to the professionals. And if anyone reading this sees themselves in my father, please cease your destructive behavior and seek help.

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